That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
