that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
