He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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