Your dad touched me again.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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