I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
