He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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