The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
