Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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