i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
