some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
