I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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