Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Never joke about your clitoris.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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