In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
