My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
