All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
