apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
