My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
