It's Friday. Sex?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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