he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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