69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
