why didn't you poke me back
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I forgot wine drunk hurts
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
