Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
