How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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