I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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