i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
