I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Vodka?
Forever.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
