Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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