I just pynch a tree in the face
thus making me awesome and them whores
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
