If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
