I cockslap morals
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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