that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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