CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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