My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
