1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I need moral support for this bender
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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