Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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