I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
