You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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