I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
