who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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