If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
