whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize