I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize