Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
