Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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