She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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