dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
In America we eat man semen.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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