i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
