Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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