yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
