you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
