You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
