That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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