My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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