I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
