At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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