Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
