It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
