I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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