Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
