No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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