I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
