why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
