I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize