I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
