I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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