i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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