just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
