he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
