last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
