you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize