I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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