I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
