you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
